Inner Healing, Truth Renewal, and Finding Life Again After Abuse
There are wounds people can see — bruises, tears, exhaustion.
And then there are wounds no one sees — the silent breaking of a soul.
This is my story.
Not a perfect story.
Not a finished story.
But a living testimony of survival, healing, and God’s relentless mercy upon me.
I share this not because the pain is easy to revisit, but because somewhere, a woman is silently dying inside her marriage, smiling outside while bleeding within. If this story reaches her, then my pain has a purpose to give give hope, to bring healing and restoration and not to give up on God if found in the turmoil.
When Love Slowly Turned Into Survival
Marriage began for me with hope — sacred hope. I believed deeply in covenant love, in building a home centered on God, in growing together spiritually and emotionally.
I entered marriage ready to give my heart fully in order to make it work.
But slowly, something changed.
What once felt safe began to feel heavy.
Conversations became conflicts.
Silence became punishment.
Love became conditional.
At first, I blamed myself and felt:
Maybe I was not patient enough.
Maybe I prayed too little.
Maybe I needed to try harder.
Many women in struggling marriages know this stage — the self-blame season. You keep adjusting yourself, shrinking your voice, sacrificing your peace, hoping things will return to how they once were.
But instead of healing, the atmosphere grew darker.
The Many Faces of Abuse
Abuse is not always loud yet it gradually penetrates.
Sometimes it whispers and yet felt strongly.
I experienced wounds on multiple levels:
1. Physical Exhaustion and Fear
Even when physical harm was not constant, the fear of escalation lived in my body. My nervous system never rested. My heart was always preparing for the next emotional storm.
I stopped feeling safe in my own home.
2. Emotional Abuse
Words can cut deeper than knives.
Criticism.
Dismissal.
Emotional withdrawal.
Feeling unseen and unheard.
I began questioning my worth, my intelligence, and my calling.
The woman who once carried vision began to doubt her existence.
3. Spiritual Confusion
This was perhaps the deepest pain.
I prayed constantly, asking God:
“Why is this happening if marriage is Your design?”
I felt torn between faith and survival. Many believers are taught endurance without being taught discernment. I lost my ability to decern and focused more on endurance in order to make it work.
I stayed longer than my soul could bear because I believed leaving meant failure. And I wasn't ready to fail because I lacked what to explain to those looking upto me.
4. Mental Breakdown
My thoughts became heavy. Confidence disappeared. Decision-making felt impossible. Worry settled in my heart daily. Prayers seemed unanswered.
I was physically present in life but emotionally fading and draining.
I smiled publicly, showcased pictures to cover up while silently collapsing.
The Moment I Realized I Was Disappearing
One day, I looked at myself and did not recognize the woman staring back.
The visionary.
The singer.
The coach.
The encourager.
She was gone even her confidence.
I realized something terrifying:
I was not living anymore — I was surviving.
And survival is not God’s design for His daughters. I asked Jesus if am no longer one of His daughters whom He said:
“I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” — John 10:10
I struggled to breathe and lacked abundance.
But knew that abundance cannot exist where fear controls my soul. I lost myself and living daily became terrified. I had already Isolated myself and constantly struggled with my identity.
I faced emotional torture but that was no longer my concern. Even gatherings became strangers to my soul. I knew i was drowning and needed a way out. Nothing matters to me anymore.
Walking Away: The Hardest and Holiest Decision
Walking away from my marriage was not rebellion.
It was survival.
Many people misunderstand this part of healing.
Leaving did not mean I stopped believing in marriage.
Leaving did not mean I lacked faith.
Leaving meant choosing life when death — emotionally, spiritually, and mentally — was slowly approaching.
I had to confront a painful truth:
Staying was destroying me faster than leaving ever could.
And yes — society talks which was my major concern.
Family questions.
Friends judge.
Religious voices misunderstand.
But God saw what people cannot see.
He saw the nights I cried silently and uncontrolled.
He heard my prayers I whispered into my pillows soaked with tears.
He understood my unbearable moments.
Walking away was terrifying.
But it saved my life.
Leaving Did Not End My Problems
Here is the truth many do not tell you:
Leaving abuse does not instantly heal you.
The pain follows.
Memories remain.
Fear lingers.
Confidence disappears.
I thought freedom would feel like joy immediately.
Instead, it felt like emptiness.
I faced loneliness, financial uncertainty, emotional exhaustion, and deep internal questions:
“Who am I now?”
“Did I fail?”
“Can God still use me?”
It was in this broken place that God stepped in.
When God Became My Ebenezer — My Stone of Help
When all hope seemed gone, I held onto God with the last strength I had.
Not strong prayers.
Just desperate ones.
And slowly, gently, God began mending me.
He became my Ebenezer — my stone of help (1 Samuel 7:12).
He reminded me:
“You are not finished.”
God began taking me back to visions He had planted in my heart long before pain entered my story.
One of those visions was becoming a Marriage Coach — helping couples heal and restore love.
Ironically, I struggled to accept it.
“How can I teach marriage when mine broke?” I asked.
Shame silenced me for years.
The Confidence I Lost
I battled deep limitations:
- Fear of judgment
- Feeling unqualified
- Loss of self-esteem
- Trauma triggers
- Emotional fatigue
- Fear of visibility
- Doubting my voice
- Comparing myself to others
- Feeling spiritually weak
- Believing my story disqualified me
These thoughts stopped me from continuing my Hook Marriage Back framework — the vision God gave me to help restore relationships.
I was not proud of myself.
I paused the framework because I felt broken.
But God never paused His calling.
God Keeps Picking Me Up
Every time I tried to hide, God redirected me back.
Through prayer.
Through Scripture.
Through quiet conviction.
He kept whispering:
“Your wounds are not disqualification — they are preparation.”
Healing did not come instantly.
It came layer by layer.
The Turning Point: Inner Healing Prayer
My true restoration began through inner healing prayer.
Not just praying for circumstances to change — but allowing God to heal memories.
I began praying honestly:
“Lord, show me where I am still wounded.”
And He did.
I confronted buried pain, rejection, fear, and lies I believed about myself.
Inner healing involved:
Forgiving deeply
Releasing bitterness
Naming trauma honestly
Inviting God into painful memories
Replacing lies with truth
Truth Renewal: Rebuilding the Mind
Healing required renewing my thinking.
For years, I believed:
“I am not enough.”
“I failed.”
“I am broken beyond repair.”
God replaced those lies with truth:
I am restored.
I am chosen.
I am still called.
Am telling this story because I believe it carries healing for others.
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2
Truth renewal became daily work.
Speaking life aloud.
Reading Scripture intentionally.
Rejecting condemning thoughts.
Why Women Must Speak Up
One of the most dangerous teachings is silent endurance in abuse.
Let me say this clearly:
God never asks you to stay where your life is being destroyed.
Silence protects abuse.
Speaking up protects life.
Many women stay because of:
- Fear of shame
- Cultural pressure
- Church expectations
- Children concerns
- Financial fear
- Family judgment
But dying slowly inside a marriage is not holiness.
Choosing safety is not sin.
Walking away from abuse is sometimes the first step toward God’s restoration.
Healing Is Still Ongoing
Even today, I am still healing.
I still wrestle with confidence.
I still face moments of doubt.
I still rebuild parts of myself.
But I am no longer alone in the darkness.
God keeps holding me up.
Every step forward is grace.
Every breath is evidence of restoration.
And slowly, I am returning to the vision — helping others come to the knowledge of God, heal their relationships, rebuild love, and rediscover God’s design for marriage.
What Healing Taught Me
- My pain taught me truths I now carry:
- You can love God and still need to leave.
- Abuse is not God’s will.
- Healing is a process, not an event.
- Brokenness does not cancel calling.
- God specializes in restoration.
- Your survival has purpose.
A Healing Prayer for Broken Women
If you are hurting, pray this:
Lord, meet me in my broken places.
Heal the wounds no one sees.
Restore my identity beyond pain.
Remove fear and shame from my heart.
Give me courage to choose life.
Renew my mind with Your truth.
And rebuild me into the woman You created me to be.
Amen.
You Are Not Finished
If you are reading this while crying quietly…
If you feel ashamed of your story…
If you think your life is over…
Hear this:
God is still writing your story.
Your scars are not the end.
Your survival is not weakness.
Your healing is already beginning and long-lasting.
Just as God became my Ebenezer, He will become yours too in Jesus name. Amen 🙏!
Hold onto Him — even with trembling hands.
Because when all hope seems gone, God steps in… and He rebuilds what pain tried to destroy.
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